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| Literature / Poetry / General Poetry / Visual & Found Poetry | ©2010-2013 *meregoddess |
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Deviousness `anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More
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Sta.sh
I'm not usually into poetry at all. but this wasn't half bad. you'll notice if you happen to read my critiques and comments that I usually only go in-depth with poetry I really like, because my dislike isn't only connected to badly written poetry, but some traits of poetry as itself.
I'm also not familiar with the format, so I might attribute too much of it to you, in good and bad.
Anyways:
The central line, "the face you've seen is not mine true" feels out of place in the beginning and still doesn't seem to completely work even in the end. The archaic "what thou hast" also appears out of place in the second stanza, but after it the whole poem is suitably archaic, instead of only parts of it like in the first two stanzas.
It's not bad either, but I don't find this hugely ambitious or original. A lot of both, but not phenomenally so.
It's probably just the fixed form, but to me the rhythm (which to me means how long and short words and syllables are proportionate to one another) is twitchy. Always a syllable short or long. You did well with the rhyming last and first lines though (which I gathered is a founding characteristic of villanelle by quickly checking wikipedia. Kudos I guess).
the fact that, to me, the piece seems halfway in many respects, is really a shame, since the theme has potential, and there are some great glimpses of excellence in there. Like the "message" of the second stanza, ruined to me by the inconsistent style.
I'll ask them not to remove this from the folder if you rate it unfair. Hope it helped at all.
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