I tire of my body, I tire of my pain
and the whirlwind scraping the walls of my skull.
I tire of the weeping willow cracking and sprouting
within the eyes of those who look upon me.
I tire of courage, and of strength, and
personal earthquakes that make me cry silent tears.
I tire of the cramping, in my thighs and calves and feet
and the pills, pills, the mountains of pills!
I tire of doctors, nurses, interns, psychiatrists and
those housewives who think I'm on drugs, or lazy.
I tire of hearing "Don't talk like that, you have to stay more positive"
when discussing my logic in regards to my illness.
I tire of being tired, oh so tired all the time, forget the pain!
I'd give anything to have my energy again.
I tire of being the victim, and the survivor,
so much work, so little reward.
I tire of not being able to dance, jump rope, ride a bicycle or skate.
I'm tired of feeling 80 when I'm not even old.
I tire of the hospital bills, mountains of them so high,
and stressing my loved ones until they turn away.
I tire of getting rare visitors all on the same day,
then nothing at all for weeks on end.
I tire of my cell phone, she sings so quietly,
that I don't even bother to carry her, no one is there.
I'm tired of being a mother to my illness,
an unwanted, unloved child that yet belongs to me.
I tire of being trapped in my mind and caged by my body,
it is such a horrid place to live…