Six Steps to the Perfect Orgasm

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Some people think sex is like jogging... You can last longer the more you do it. Others think that it's like golf... You get better the more you do it.  I think it's like running down a road swinging a pitching wedge at a whiffle ball…  

Okay. I have to confess.  This journal is NOT really about sex.  But I bet I got your attention didn't I?  Made you wonder?  Piqued your curiosity?  I'd like to make you wonder a little more.  Preface each of the following statements with "Do you think that:"

…NASA created thunderstorms to cover up space battles?

…if men had periods, they'd brag about the size of their tampons?

…some people should have expiration dates?  (like the deviant who comes to your page, rips one of your deviations apart, tells you how absolutely terrible it is, and how to fix it; and when you go to their page you find all they draw is anime?)

…parenting handbooks were made to smack your children with?

…since during the female orgasm, endorphins are released which are powerful painkillers, that having a headache is actually a bad excuse for NOT having sex?

…we should have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse?  (Remember, you cannot post "thou shallot not steal," "thou shalt not commit adultery," and "thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians.  It creates a hostile work environment…)

…one day your prince will come?  I think mine took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions…

…if you owed the government $3,500.00 in taxes you could send them two hammers and a toilet seat to pay it off?

…I'm a dumb blonde?  Well, I'm knot!  I'm knot!!

…artists should get to color the sky red even if they know damn well that it's blue?

…the non-artists HAVE to color it blue, otherwise people might just think they're stupid?

…money can't buy happiness?  Well, I wouldn't mind being known as that melancholy girl who drives the red Lamborghini Diablo…

…the light in the refrigerator goes out when you shut the door?  C'mon.  Do you ever REALLY know?

…Americans can trust their government?  (If you're not sure, ask the American Indians…)

…if Abraham Lincoln were alive today he would be writing his memoirs of the Civil War?  Advising the President?  Or do you think he would be desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin?

…people should stop listening to Eminem's music just because he wants to vote for Romney?  (I mean there are plenty of OTHER reasons to quit listening to his music, for example, Enimen's music)

…George Bush was right when he said "More and more of our imports are coming from overseas?" (Yes, he actually SAID that)

…Stevie Wonder picks Lady Gagas clothes?

…it's strange when your spouse tells you they want sex in the back seat of the car?  Then asks you to drive?

…taking Viagra and drinking prune juice is a good idea?  I don't think you'd know if you were coming or going…

…1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1-1+1+1+1+1+1+1x0=0?  Well you'd be wrong.  Want to know the answer?  Note me.  

…eating natural foods will lead to you dying of natural causes?

…cemeteries should be located in the dead center of town?

…a restaurant on the moon would have great food but a lousy atmosphere?

…if the invisible man married the invisible woman, their kids wouldn't be much to look at?

…if Charles Dickens walked into a bar and ordered a Martini the bartender would ask him "Olive or Twist?"

…Arab women have a terrible life, being repressed, having no rights and generally being second rate citizens?  Well, it's true, but! Did you know they can initiate divorce if their husbands don't pour them coffee?  That's a fact!  lol  Don't believe me? wiki.answers.com/Q/Where_woman… (Just one of many references to be found on the internet)

…that everyone should wear one of those anti-bullying wristbands?  I have one.  I stole it off a little fat kid with glasses…

…that having an asthmatic attack when you receive an obscene phone call could be to your advantage?  (I had an attack once when I received an obscene phone call and the caller paused and asked "Did I call you, or did you call me?")

…if you're ever sent to prison for possession of drugs you should be grateful?  Of course you should!  Drugs are much cheaper inside prison…

…man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation?

…you are what you eat?  If so, I'd better lay off the nuts.  

…I made you wonder about a couple of things while reading this journal, or did I just waste precious moments of your life?  Uh, don't answer this one…